I don’t like cricket, I loathe it

Posted by Laura
I owe my life to cricket. It’s not something I admit willingly. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever confessed my existence has been borne out of a pastime so dull and (whisper it) completely pointless. If it weren’t for the chance meeting of my grandparents at a cricket club some time in the 1930s, I probably wouldn’t be here to deliver a painful lambasting to the game my family holds so dear.
If I ever were in line to be left a fortune, the next few hundred words would be a sure-fire route to disinheritance. But I’m willing to take that chance to fly the flag for all the other cricket-phobes out there. I’m talking the kind of people who, when the word Ashes starts getting bandied about with passion and enthusiasm, involuntarily lapse into some sort of slack-jawed stupor.
Surely it can’t be time for that again? It seems just a few months since we had to endure the never-ending TV coverage, the lame Aussie/English feud-stoking in the press and the hero worship of the England team because, finally, finally this was a game England could be good at. But, as the cricket devotees who have come out of the woodwork once again inform me, the Ashes is not like the football World Cup, which comes round every four years, building up excitement and anticipation among nations in the intervening period, it comes round about every 18 months. I suspect this is because the four-year lead-up is unnecessary; it’s hard to rouse much more than a few raised pulses around a tournament in which two teams could end up playing the same bat-ball-run-for-a-bit-catch-get-a-bit-sunburnt-out! malarkey for up to 25 days.
That’s twenty. Five. Whole. Days. Battles have been won and lost in less time. There are so many better ways to spend almost a month of your life. You could cycle from John o’ Groats to Land’s End with room to get lost en route. You could go on a world cruise and see much more than a bunch of blokes running up and down the same few yards for hours on end. And Ashes fans, seeing as boredom is your bag, you could read the Lord of the Rings trilogy four times and still have enough time to watch the film adaptations, and probably all six Star Wars movies too.
I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anything that has the ability to slow time as much as cricket. I remember the back-to-back coverage that was a permanent fixture on our TV when I was a child. And 25 days of Ashes can seem like a lifetime when you’re young and missing an entire month’s worth of Neighbours. Scott and Charlene could be married, pregnant and divorced in the time it takes to go through five tests. And no one at school the next day was going to try to steal your lunch if you couldn’t tell them what you thought of Botham’s performance. But missing Neighbours, it was a ticket to ridicule.
Even now, after a childhood of bookshelves lined with Geoffrey Boycott and Ray Illingworth biographies, long car journeys with only the commentary of Dickie Bird to pass the time, and that story of ‘it was cricket that brought your grandma and grandad’ together, the game still haunts me.
Just yesterday my cricket-loving colleague was lamenting the time difference between England and Australia, which meant he’d have to seriously rethink the structure of his life for a month. “I think I’m going to have to work out just how much sleep one man needs,” was his brave conclusion. Was there an element of hubris in the admission he was going to make such a brave sacrifice to show his support for the gentleman’s game? Denying oneself sleep for longer than a couple of nights is totally unnecessary. In the name of cricket it’s insane.
Surely cricket induces slumber? The crowds most of the time look like they’re half asleep. There’s no energy and electricity like you’d find at a football match. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that this is not the case; it’s a run, not a sprint and a game to be savoured, not swallowed whole.
With this in mind, I tried, I really did, to learn more about the pastime that’s been the bane of my life since birth. I’m sure my life will much more enlightened if I know that the true meaning of LBW isn’t really Long, Boring and Worthless, but really an important and insightful sporting term. And I reckon I really could make sense of the 165 for sixes and the series and the tests and the overs. But that’s just it – over? Cricket is NEVER over. It just carries on and on and on like some groundhog day spent in on a green in rural England, perpetually taking tea and scoffing scones with polite village folk.  In some matches there is no winner! How can anything be over when it’s not even been won?
I’m sorry, cricket, but I just can’t do it. I’ve tried to embrace what you stand for and get swept up in the passion that my colleague so obviously feels for you. But the only thing I’ve found that can even raise my spirits about something so mind-numbing is the music associated with it. 10CC’s Dreadlock Holiday (play and download) and Soul Limbo, by Booker T and the MGs (play & download the Sargassa Band’s version) are both great tracks. But when the last bars of these three-minute anthems are over, all you’re left with is 22 men, a vast expanse of green, and day upon day of banter, bravado and boredom for the sake of an urn full of dust.
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51 Responses to I don’t like cricket, I loathe it

  1. philip says:

    I totally agree with Laura, it is the most pointless and mind-numbingly boring so-called \’sport\’ in the history of human civilisation. It is an elaborate game of catch which was introduced to waste away hours in the sunshine. Please help me avoid anything to do with the Ashes.

  2. nick says:

    If you don\’t like it, don\’t watch it! or does your tv not have an "off" switch?? alternatively there will be numerous football matches you can go and watch, get soaked, frozen, and (as seems to happen at more and more football matches) BORED!!! the only thing pointless, is your opinion!

  3. Unknown says:

    Wow, you managed to use up 10 mins of my time as I browsethe web…
    But seriously you make it seem like you are quite literally forced to watch cricket…
    It\’s not that bad honestly but I only watch it a bit at a time or just check up on the scores. I\’m just saying basically, \’all things in moderation.\’ is the way to go.
    You\’ve probably already thought about this already but you obviously have access to a computer and that gives you access to your daily media at least if you know where to look so you can just look up on neigbours or whatever then.
    Anyhow that\’s my oppinion.

    I laughed at the "urn full of dust" joke by the way. Rather funny stuff.
    Have a nice day.

  4. Allyd says:

    Right, so let me get this straight, the lady who writes this section of the article is saying that cricket is boring pointless and stupid, and yet one of the reasons she gives for hating it is that it meant she missed Neighbours.
    Now I\’m not one to criticise people for watching what they want to watch, but come on, surely this is hypocritical? What useful purpose does sitting for 30 minutes every day watching a bunch of actors act out a script writers words serve? Add to that the fact that many of those who watch Neighbours then watch Emmerdale, Coronation St, Eastenders etc, and are we complaining? No.
    Do any of these soap operas have endings? Do I understand the significance of Chris sleeping with Sarah\’s mum while her dad is in prison? No.
    I still let people get on with watching them though. I respect their wishes enough to not feel the need to laugh at people who do think soap operas are worthwhile. Perhaps you can do the same without laughing at those of us who wish to support a team playing under the flag of England and Wales.
    The scenes in 05 in Manchester and the Oval in London were spectacular, just let us enjoy them. We don\’t cause any trouble unlike the football fans. You wont here of British cricket fans causing riots, I guarantee you that much.

  5. Gill says:

    I used to feel the same about cricket, then in 1975 I was off work for 3 months with a serious illness. If I was feeling well enough I would go to visit my husband\’s grandfather (the only other person I knew not at work), invariably he\’d be watching cricket on the tv. I\’m not coming anymore, I declared, all you do is sit and watch the cricket! I was asked why I didn\’t like it and replied that it was boring. But the truth was as a girl I\’d never played the game and so didn\’t understand it. My grandfather-inlaw then spent the rest of the afternoon explaining the rules and idiosyncracies of the game. Can\’t say I was immediately hooked, but the more I watched the more I enjoyed. In 5 weeks times I\’ll be in Sydney watching the final Test! Sadly my mentor is no longer with us, but I\’m so grateful that he took the time to enlighten me.

  6. khan says:

    Well I totally disagree with the lady. The only point I would like to tell her that look how cricket is growing and there is a que of nations who want to join the cricket club. Millions of people watch this fantastic game and they enjoy it. There is nothing fascinating when a fast bowler runs steaming in and tries to bowl a swinging delivery at a bat\’s man who has only a second to make up his mind what to do or a spinner trying to deceive the batsman with his legspins, googlee, offspin etc. Then there is  the artistic style of a batsman executing square cuts, pull or delying shots within a fraction of seconds is a treat to watch.  It is also fasinating when a captain tries to out wit his opponet with his planning and setting field. Thus cricket is becoming more and more competitive and is generating more interest. After all it is "alive and kicking" and not a dead game.  I therefore think that it is much better to watch some thing in which reality takes place instead of watching something which is boring and has no end and just trying to attract viewer by playing with their  desires.

  7. Gill says:

    Oops, in 5 weeks time I will be in Sydney but of course I\’d be on my own at the SCG! 6 weeks time I\’ll be watching the test.

  8. E says:

    No need to worry about your 165 for sixes as the series is in Oz so it\’ll be 6 for 165! LOL.
    All sports (unless they are American) can have draws. Whether they last for 1 hour, 90 minutes or 5 days is irrelevant. Indeed, with 5 days worth there is room for much more to happen to excite the crowd.
    Most sportspeople (certainly at top level) have an great deal of \’instinct\’ that allows them to perform well. Batting certainly has this, but few sports need the tactical ability and that cricket requires to take wickets and win matches. Yes other sports need tactics, but not at the same sustained level as those needed in a test match.
    Finally, surely slowing time is a good thing…it means you are totally engrossed in the spectacle before you, and not stressed out!

  9. Nicola says:

    Laura – I couldn\’t agree more. Cricket is pointless, dull and unexciting. And what other sport breaks every 10 minutes for tea and sandwiches? Ridiculous….

  10. Mandy says:

    Cricket is so stupid… what is the purpose of hitting a ball and running the same line fifty million times in the hot sun??? How much more stupid can men get. And they are so proud of this fact that they play cricket, it just displays their narrow minds!!! FIND A REAL HOBBY GUYS

  11. Unknown says:

    Mandy ,
    Im affraid your wrong on most points im a cricket fan , and im not narrow minded in any way , i have other hobbies to , guess you dont though ? your messagr is short with no decent content ? small minded people ?? if the cap fits babe .

  12. Zeeshan Mujtaba says:

    Hey, to all the people out there who argue cricket is stupid because the player keep hitting the ball over and over again and running between lines … well here\’s a little reality shock .. all the games are like that.Baseball – it\’s just like cricket: the pitcher throws the ball, the batter hits it away and runs on the field in cricles while the other player run after the ball.Basketball: players grab the ball, keep bouncing it while the run beween hoops and jump along the waySoccer: player run between goals kicking a ball across the field.Americal football: lol, the players grab the ball and try to run acroos some line on the field, even if they get beaten up by 10 other people along the way … that\’s mind numbing.And finally, Golf: one guy just buts a ball n the grass, whacks it really hard and then runs after it. finds it, whacks it again and runs after it again. then he finally put it in the hole and celebrates …………..so you see, it\’s not just cricket, but virtually all the sports are the same.

  13. Ben says:

    I too am baffled by cricket, and the reason "Cricket players aren\’t on £140,000 a week, don\’t gather round the man in charge in a screaming, baying mob" is because no one cares about it hence there are not big enough crowds or sponsorship deals to sustain wages as large as football players. However cricket is a fun game to play! Like football, but it always baffles me when people want to sit down on their arses watching these sports, and then talk about them in pubs, moan about them on the radio and fill our papers with complete nonsense, it seems to be the only common ground most men can find.   

  14. Dave says:

    Cricket is part of what makes England England, like real ale and county pubs. Cricket is the pint of Black sheep to footballs Fosters. There will always be people who don\’t understand its beauty and passion in much the same way as there will always be people who would rather listen to Boyzone than Beethoven. Some just don\’t get it. Fine by me, they can work while I take the Ahses off. We have to put up with over paid idiots running about (or the premier league as I believe it\’s known) for 9 months of the year, now it\’s crickets turn. I can think of no other sport in which the world class players down to the pub team players display the characteristics of fair play, honour and sportsmanship which seem to be so lacking in todays society.
    If you really want to \’get\’ cricket, play it. Even if it\’s just a knock up in the park with a few mates. You\’ll soon learn the agony and exstacy of the game and then you can empathise much better with whats going on on the telly. However, if Neighbours is that important to you then perhaps you\’d be better off chucking your telly away and getting out more….

  15. Michelle says:

    It makes me laugh when people say they "Dont understand it therefore dont like it" Thats rubbish! How can you say you dont like it, if you dont understand it! I used to feel the same…until my dad sat down and explained it to me (Granted it took the whole 5 days of a test for me to get it) But once i understood, I became obsessed with it!
    WHAT IS THE POINT OF HITTING A BALL AND FETCHING IT…..OK WHATS THE POINT OF FOOTBALL??? ITS JUST AS STUPID AND POINTLESS! Except Cricket is less violent, no faking injuries, no dramas…just pure competitive sportmanship.
    And you think its boring….watching 22 men kick a ball up and down a field is boring too! Yeah cricket isnt exciting all the time, but it has some unbelievable moments! It\’s just a nice relaxing sport, without all the crap that comes with football (Violence on and off the pitch, rowdy supporters etc.)
    I LOVE Cricket and am very proud to say that! I will be holding my head high when we Play the Aussies to keep onto the Ashes! Go on boys!

  16. Unknown says:

    You dont know nothing about cricket to it seems look at the attendance for the boxing day test over 100.000 people , when is there that at football ? dont talk about stuff you no nothing about , theres a few cricketers that are on the world richest sportsman top 10 list

  17. Allyd says:

    I think this is actually going to show just how ignorant some people are of our sport. To quote, "breaks every 10 minutes for tea and sandwiches?" Well firstly, breaks for drinks are at the hour, and food after 2 hours play, but perhaps more importantly that means that football has a break more often, rugby has a break more often, in fact many sports break more often than cricket.
    Secondly, running the same line, well yes we do that, but so what? Footballers try to kick the same ball into the goal for 45 minutes before turning round and trying to kick it into the other one. Golfers try to hit a small ball into a hole then move on to try and do the same on the next hole. Virtually every activity you undertake has repetition. Mandy, breathing involves simply inflating and deflating your lungs full of air 50 million times or however many times you do it, perhaps you could find something else to do?

  18. Unknown says:

    nice one shelly , a babe that likes cricket !!!!!!!

  19. Whelk says:

    I love cricket in its own right, but the best way for Cricket haters to suffer it is to realise that you can spend your day sitting in the sun whilst drinking your way through a crate of beer. Doing this without sitting at a cricket ground is considered somewhat uncouth. Doing it whilst in the presence of cricket suddenly makes you cultured!

  20. Chris says:

    Cricket is a huge part of my life and does it bother me that most people don\’t like it…not one bit. People don\’t like it mainly because they have no patience and would just rather be out getting smashed than spending 5 days of your life in the sun with mates. Remember cricket on the village green is what makes us english not drinking, not football and maybe fish and chips. For all my life i can\’t understand how cricket can be called slow when for football you\’ve got to wait 90 minutes for about 1 damn goal, usually in the cold because only cricket for some reason seems to be played in warm weather!
    I love our heritage and i love our sport and will be wishing our team the best of luck (Steve Harmison is a god). It\’s only a pity that we teenagers seem more interested in rubbish like "Neighbours. Scott and Charlene could be married, pregnant and divorced" rather than actually going outside to have some fun, a laugh and some exercise. It\’s a great sport played by true englishmen not slobs and showboys.
    Go on England give it your best.

  21. Victoria says:

    I can not believe some one called cricket a so called "sport" Please do not comment if you do not know any thing about it, as some one has said if you dont like it dont watch i cope with not liking football and that is on all year round!!

  22. Amy says:

    when i was younger i hated cricket having 3 brothers that really enjoyed watching and playing it drove me mad but thats because i didnt understand it , after getting my brother to explain it to me last year i actully got in to watching it , and routing for england, big shame its not on channel 4 this year.

  23. Kamran says:

    Hi All,
    The way laura has expressed about the cricket. It is not a cricket. As we all know that cricket is very intresting sports. If you have passaion and good understanding about this game, you must enjoy like other sports. This is purely for those who have good skills in mathmatics and they abide rules & regulation as they oftenly do in their routine life.
    I know it feels that people are foolish who sitting in the ground and watching cricket in 5 days but the immenense they get it is not easy to give them words. Cricket contains all the things like thrill, passaion, rush of blood etc and those who have the history of this game, they enjoy more compare to those who only watch cricket and pass the time only.
    I still remember all the events of cricket from my last 15 years, it gives remarkable joy whenever watch any good cricket making world record.

  24. Andrew says:

       Yes, the only time cricket is mildly entertaining is when the opposition are wiping the floor with England.  But that could apply to any sport.

  25. sidra says:

    yo, sapnin all. do anyfink rite but jus plz, DNT DISS CRICKET!!!!! it rocks man, specially wen england r loosin, AUSSIES 4 DA ASHES DIS YR, last year, dno hw it hapnd, oh ye, dat match wich wz drawn, if dat dint happen, da aussies wud hav won!!!!!

  26. Jason says:

    Its about the electricity, the passion, the fire and drive, Football, and basketball, the reason why these differ from cricket.
    \’Fast paced\’ thats it, fast pacedgame that lasts 90 minutes(60 minutes for basketball), in a sense when you play these sports you need to break because they\’re so faced paced. Football gets your heart racing, nothing in cricket compares to watching your team in a final, during penalties, nothing.
    Thats the difference, I dont think many of you understand, if you like relaxing sports thats fine, but dont mock someone that doesn\’t enjoy watching such a slow paced game, especially when there are more faster exilerating international sports around.

  27. Titilope says:

    Did anyone notice how most of the criket fans keep saying "its because you don\’t understand" and they are getting ridiculously rude and cocky. I mean really from what I\’ve read she has a pretty good understanding of the game, she just thinks its really boring. Here\’s some news for cricket fans THE VAST MAJOURITY OF THE POPULATION THINK THE GAME IS BBBBOOOORRRRRIIIIINNNNGGG.
    It\’s not like she\’s saying she doesn\’t like you, she doesn\’t like the games, its not like you don\’t have sports that you don\’t like, and she\’s pointed out the main reason why most people don\’t like cricket. If it was such a well loved sport the players will earn as much as players of other popular sports as they will have lots more fans, do they? I don\’t think so.
    Either way, I agree with her, that game for me is very much something you watch if you are high and need to get very sleepy very quickly, works better than sleeping pills for me, so see it no one is saying it doesn\’t have it uses, it totally does. 🙂

  28. Arun says:

    Are you some kind of chav who does not appreciate the finer points in sport? You mention football (aka geeball) several times, which has to be THE WORST sport ever created…played by a bunch of over paid fairies prancing around the pitch and occasionally falling over clutching their ankle; that\’s boredom! There is nothing quite like sitting in Lords on a hot summer\’s day over a few pints with the lads…if you continue to choose to be ignorant in this front, might I suggest you watch rugby instead, another gentleman\’s game, and it is also 10 minutes shorter than geeball, so you may continue to live your \’busy\’ life for ten more minutes without cultured sport getting in your way.

  29. William says:

    i think its sad. sad tht laura feels the need to write a whol page on why she hates sumthing. its also sad tht the cricket fans feel as tho they have to defend cricket. bt the saddest thing of all is the fact tht almost evrybody has slammed another sport in the defense of their own. i like all sport, well, i love watchin the hihglights of all sports, rugby is the only one i stay up till 3:30 am to watch! bt im amazed by sum of the hits the do in golf, ive played it and its HARD! also every golf course is different so thts kul. football is generally boring cos almost nuthin happens in 90 mins bt wen it does, boy there are sum great goals! and cricket is exciting wen the have to get a certain amount of runs in a certain amount of bowls, and i love da rivalry between ossies and us englishers! even tho we suck and probably wont win the ahses ever again! i wont talk bout american sports cos they dont play cricket!
    so basically people, cant u see dat sport generally is great, and all top sportsmen are very talented at wat they do. no sport is pointless cos billions of people enjoy them worldwide. either tht or they r all pointless! so dont slam other sports, jst accept we all have different tastes!
    ps. rugby is da best! haha

  30. sue says:

    OK I don\’t like cricket or football.  How do I deal with it?  I just dont watch it.  If you only have one telly in the home; go to another room  and read a book.  If your partner is considerate ask th em to tape the match and watch it when you are not there or have gone to bed.
    Please stop whinging.  As my 13 yr old daughter says; if you insist  on whining, go fetch the cheese and biscuits and enjoy!

  31. sarah says:

    hi all
    i can understand where some of you guys are coming from when you say you dont like cricket!! i was exactly the same 2years ago i hated cricket season i thought it was the most boring think in the world me and my mum used to hassle the guys to switch tv over so we could watch movies and stuff when it was cold and rainy outside we thought it was like watching paint dry and ended up playing dominos or cards to pass the time as there was nothing else much we could do i loathed the men i couldnt understand how they could get excited by such a boring sport.
    when i met my boyfriend for the first time he told me was visiting the uk to play cricket as an overseas player for one of local clubs (yes he is an aussie) he kept hassling me to go and watch him play on the sunny weekends i always refused as i think i would of fell asleep, i finaly gave in and went to watch he is an A grade opening batsman and i have never felt so much excitement in all my life watching him bat and crossing my fingers hoping he would not get out and praying he would make a century. i still didnt no the rules of cricket but once i asked and he told me all about them we have been together nearly 3years and i am still learning things about the game i never new and thats what makes it exciteing watching the boys on tv hoping they smash the ball on every over and when they get out you really feel for them as the walk back to thier changing rooms with there head down trying not to look at everyone thats what i call a feel for the game and a passion when you really feel for the players and experience the excitement and disapointment as to what they are feeling. when they get a catch you jump for joy as much as they do.
    cricket is a very exciting game if you actually take the time to watch it instead of being ignorant and just going along with what everyone else thinks i was forced to watch it but i am very glad i was i love the game and cant think of any other game when you can lie around with you mates in the sun have a drink and a picnic and cheer the boys on as the are as fit and train just as hard as any other sport and deserve some support.
    i am currently in australia watching the ashes on tv with my boyfriend there is some conflict however as he cheers on the aussies i as do the english but i no they will not take the ashes from us again GO ENGLAND!!!   

  32. Vicki says:

    well I\’m sixteen, and I\’m female, and I love and have loved watching cricket since I was about ten. Point being that people who have commented to say that teenage girls should get a grip and stop worrying about what happens on neighbours should think about what they\’re saying and STOP STEREOTYPING US!
    Also, what on earth is the point in commenting on here to claim that the author of the blog is ignorant and stupid? What good are you all doing? If someone doesn\’t like a sport then fine, and they\’re allowed to say so. Just because you think that cricket is what makes us British doesn\’t mean that everyone else has to agree with you, thank you very much. Get real guys.

  33. Nkechi says:

    cricket is just another sport that england can\’t play. why torment yourselves. from what i can see there is lot of waiting around and not much else. marginally more intresting than watchingpaint dry.

  34. anila says:

    Cricket is not purely a mathematical or statistical game. For that matter no game is 100 percent mathematical, but yes it is  team work which gives the technicality it requires.Wherever there is team work it is understood that the team has to win no matter whatever the planning they follow.I love the game it is afr better then FOOTBALL.  

  35. allan says:

    Laura, i am drunk wrting this but i hope you take this message in a good light. You are so intellegent you should be a man.[sorry]

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